Mum is cancer free. I’m still spinning out at the fact that mum is entirely cancer free. It’s what I was praying for; a miracle outcome where the doctor would say there is no more cancer in her body. What an amazing answer to prayer from my mighty God. Some may not view this as a miracle but let me explain why I believe it is. When we went in to see the doctor yesterday, he started to explain that mum had a really aggressive form of cancer that wasn’t affected by hormones, so it was a stand alone cancer … Continue reading And now to the next stage

It’s been a struggle for me this last week to watch mum be in so much pain, especially as I know that she is trying not to let on how much pain she is in. I watch her when she doesn’t realise and watch how she occasionally will stop in her tracks because the pain gets so bad. I’ve also seen how she is choosing to spend so much time in bed. When I asked her about it, she told me that if she sleeps, she doesn’t feel pain so it’s easier for her. My mum has a strong pain … Continue reading Confession.

I give myself a headache sometimes because I have a mind that operates like a puppy: easily distracted. Look, a ball, oh, a butterfly, oh my human, oh food, ball! That’s my head, I start off intentionally thinking about one thing and then suddenly I’m totally off track and thinking about food and dancing elephants. I’ve had trouble stilling my mind for the last few days and the only thing that’s helped me has been music because lyrics get stuck in my head and I end up singing a song over and over and over. But when my head gets … Continue reading Run baby run.

Cancer sucks. It sucks to watch someone you love deal with whatever form of cancer they have and watch them deal with fear, anger, pain and whatever else comes up. For those looking on, it sometimes feels like your hands have been tied up with invisible string; you feel restricted and stuck with wanting to do your own thing but wanting to be there 24/7 in case they need something. You try to stay positive and believe that everything will work out fine, but sometimes your mind goes in the opposite direction, so you start to feel guilty about your … Continue reading Stuck in a moment.

First hurdle. So the last 48 hrs have been a little full on and I’ve just now really stopped to process everything that has gone on and how I feel about it. But before I talk about that let me go back to Wednesday.. Mum had her pre-operation appointment at hospital, so a good part of my day was spent sitting in the waiting room playing candy crush. They took her in for about an hour and gave her 4 injections, then told her to come back in a couple of hours to finish off the procedure. Basically what they … Continue reading Emotion.less.

I think the stress of the last few weeks has caught up with me and my body decided yesterday it had enough. I woke up yesterday morning feeling absolutely exhausted and drained and just bone weary. I figured I probably didn’t get enough sleep so after having tea I went to have a shower, which was not a good move as I found myself curled up on the shower floor, shaking, nauseated and unable to breath properly. I ended up calling mum to help me out of the shower and into bed where I ended up sleeping for most of … Continue reading It’s catching up with me

I’ve always been fascinated by human behaviour. I love just watching people and watching how they react to things. Telling people mum has breast cancer has been an interesting exercise in observing human behaviour. I’ve had some interesting reactions to it; some people have met me with sympathy; some with silence, and some with questions. Some of the most helpful responses have been: She is strong and will get through this. Or, God will carry you all through this. Or, I’m/we’re with you, whatever you need, we’re walking this with you and are here when you need me (this has … Continue reading Watch and see..

It seems like cancer has taken a liking to my family. Last year my dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer, his second run with the charming disease. Last week we found out that my mum has breast cancer; exactly 12 months on from when my dad had cancer. After my dad had his surgery and made his recovery I thought we were done with cancer but apparently not. We are now having to live through it again with my mum.  Last year I took up the blog as a way of talking about the cancer journey from a family members … Continue reading The cancer love affair.