It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs – 1 Corinthians 13:5

This verse is, in my opinion, the hardest verse to live out in the Way of Love passage. Throughout my life, my mother has on many occasions said to me, “you need to forgive and forget, just let it go and move on.” This was usually in response to me having had a disagreement with someone or being hurt by someone. It’s good advice in theory, but not very realistic to do at times. Especially if you have been hurt by someone multiple times.

If that wasn’t hard enough to try and do, when I became a follower of Jesus I learnt that Jesus expected me to not just forgive people when they hurt me or did the wrong thing by me, but to love them as myself (Matthew 5:43-44) and to not be easily angered. So God wants to me to forgive and love the people that hurt me, and my mother wants me to forget and just move on. Sounds fun. As someone who can remember conversations from 15 years ago, forgetting what people have said and done is almost impossible, which makes loving them when they’ve hurt me really difficult. And what’s more, I have a very strong justice bone that snaps when someone is treating me or others poorly and unfairly.

As I’ve studied this verse over the years, I have come to realise a few things. Firstly, and most importantly, God knows our humanity and how our minds and hearts work. He knows that this is no easy task for us, which is why He sent His Holy Spirit to help us and His Word to guide us. By reading His Word and reading how Jesus lived our His life while on earth, I can try my best to imitate Christ. I can go through God’s Word for inspiration and direction.

Secondly, the ability to just forgive people and love them after they have hurt us does not just happen overnight. Even if you have been a follower of Jesus for many years, it can still take time to process our emotional, physical, mental, financial, or spiritual pain and forgive someone for their role in causing that pain. But again, we have the Holy Spirit to help us and work through the pain and memories to reach a place of forgiveness and love for that person.

Thirdly, forgiveness and loving others does not negate necessary boundaries. Forgiving someone does not mean that we allow them to keep hurting, abusing, or using us. It doesn’t mean that we stay in relationship with unsafe people. Jesus demonstrated that boundaries were healthy and necessary, and we need to be wise and discerning about our relationships and boundaries.

Fourthly, we should always maintain people’s dignity. Seeking to dishonour others, even when they have hurt you, doesn’t help and certainly doesn’t reflect the love of Jesus. As hard as it is, and I know it is because my default is to defend myself or those I love and swing the proverbial bat, giving it to Jesus is better for my heart and soul. Dishonouring and lashing out may make us feel better temporarily, but in the long run, it’s our heart that starts to suffer.

And lastly, we are created with emotions and feeling anger over something is not wrong, as long as we don’t camp out in the anger and stew over it, and as long as we don’t react and respond out of it. The bible tells us, “be angry but do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26). Anger is not bad. In certain situations, anger is very warranted. But we can’t react or respond out of it. We can’t retiliate in anger towards others. In those moments when our anger is at it’s peak, taking it to Jesus is the best and safest thing we can do.

Again, this verse is a hard one to live out but when we walk with Jesus, it’s not impossible. When we lean on Jesus and listen to the Holy Spirit, we can learn to be like Jesus in the face of pain and betrayal. We can learn to rebuild our love for people to and pray for them. And through that, we become more like Jesus whilst simultaneously pointing others towards Him with our actions. If like me you have struggled with this verse, can I encourage you to lean on Jesus and ask Him to help you live it out. Ask Him to show you how to love well and keep healthy boundaries.

Prayer

Lord, thank you that You demonstrate what realy and genuine love looks like. Thank you that You do not ask us to do hard things alone and have sent us Your Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. Help us to be more like you and to love others around us well. Help us to not respond out of anger and to not keep a record of wrongs. May we be more like You, Lord. In Jesus’ name, amen.