Run baby run.

I give myself a headache sometimes because I have a mind that operates like a puppy: easily distracted. Look, a ball, oh, a butterfly, oh my human, oh food, ball! That’s my head, I start off intentionally thinking about one thing and then suddenly I’m totally off track and thinking about food and dancing elephants. I’ve had trouble stilling my mind for the last few days and the only thing that’s helped me has been music because lyrics get stuck in my head and I end up singing a song over and over and over. But when my head gets … Continue reading Run baby run.

Stuck in a moment.

Cancer sucks. It sucks to watch someone you love deal with whatever form of cancer they have and watch them deal with fear, anger, pain and whatever else comes up. For those looking on, it sometimes feels like your hands have been tied up with invisible string; you feel restricted and stuck with wanting to do your own thing but wanting to be there 24/7 in case they need something. You try to stay positive and believe that everything will work out fine, but sometimes your mind goes in the opposite direction, so you start to feel guilty about your … Continue reading Stuck in a moment.

Emotion.less.

First hurdle. So the last 48 hrs have been a little full on and I’ve just now really stopped to process everything that has gone on and how I feel about it. But before I talk about that let me go back to Wednesday.. Mum had her pre-operation appointment at hospital, so a good part of my day was spent sitting in the waiting room playing candy crush. They took her in for about an hour and gave her 4 injections, then told her to come back in a couple of hours to finish off the procedure. Basically what they … Continue reading Emotion.less.

It’s catching up with me

I think the stress of the last few weeks has caught up with me and my body decided yesterday it had enough. I woke up yesterday morning feeling absolutely exhausted and drained and just bone weary. I figured I probably didn’t get enough sleep so after having tea I went to have a shower, which was not a good move as I found myself curled up on the shower floor, shaking, nauseated and unable to breath properly. I ended up calling mum to help me out of the shower and into bed where I ended up sleeping for most of … Continue reading It’s catching up with me

Watch and see..

I’ve always been fascinated by human behaviour. I love just watching people and watching how they react to things. Telling people mum has breast cancer has been an interesting exercise in observing human behaviour. I’ve had some interesting reactions to it; some people have met me with sympathy; some with silence, and some with questions. Some of the most helpful responses have been: She is strong and will get through this. Or, God will carry you all through this. Or, I’m/we’re with you, whatever you need, we’re walking this with you and are here when you need me (this has … Continue reading Watch and see..

The cancer love affair.

It seems like cancer has taken a liking to my family. Last year my dad was diagnosed with stomach cancer, his second run with the charming disease. Last week we found out that my mum has breast cancer; exactly 12 months on from when my dad had cancer. After my dad had his surgery and made his recovery I thought we were done with cancer but apparently not. We are now having to live through it again with my mum.  Last year I took up the blog as a way of talking about the cancer journey from a family members … Continue reading The cancer love affair.