Author: leilaarmstrong

Welcome to my world. I'm so glad you're here. Grab a coffee and take a seat as I share about my life, my Jesus and my love for coffee and chocolate.
mum's cancer journey, Random thoughtsLeave a comment

Hands lifted high.

leilaarmstrong

Last week I had a Moses moment. If you’re imagining me standing by the beach, parting the waters, that’s not what I meant, though that would have been super cool. But no, it was a more humbling moment. On Sunday morning while at church, everything just became so overwhelming that I couldn’t even hold my head up and I just cried. And cried. And without even asking for it, some of the women just gathered around me and held me up. Literally. They held me while I cried and then they prayed for me because I couldn’t get the words … Continue reading Hands lifted high.

mum's cancer journeyLeave a comment

Tell me something I don’t know.

leilaarmstrong

I was having a chat to someone a few days ago and we were talking about mums chemo journey and how she’s coping with it. We chatted about how hard it must be for mum to go through and I made the observation that it’s been hard on all of us. Interestingly, my statement was sort of shut down. I was frowned at and got told that “Well, it’s hardest for her because she is going through it.” I smiled and agreed that yes, it is hardest for her and slowly retreated. The comment bugged me for a few reasons: … Continue reading Tell me something I don’t know.

Random thoughtsLeave a comment

The night a group of random strangers moved into my heart.

leilaarmstrong

Last night a group of strangers taught me a valuable lesson. I went to a community meeting as part of my counselling training and due to the confidentiality and out respect for the people I met, I won’t divulge what meeting it was or where. I walked into this meeting with expectations of what I would encounter and they types of people I would meet. I was partially right in my assessment but also way off the mark. I walked into this meeting blind, not knowing whether or not they would allow me to sit and an unsure of how … Continue reading The night a group of random strangers moved into my heart.

mum's cancer journeyLeave a comment

Control freak.

leilaarmstrong

And it begins: the side effects have hit mum in full force and she is struggling. The vomiting, the body aches, the headaches, the loss of hair. It’s all happening and it’s killing me. Bit by bit my heart is breaking as I watch this treatment take over my mum’s body. I’ve repeatedly asked myself if we’re doing the right thing with the chemo and then I remind myself that we need to do it to help prevent it from coming back. I also keep reminding myself that we are not fighting off cancer, we are just trying to prevent … Continue reading Control freak.

mum's cancer journeyLeave a comment

Would you like some guilt with that?

leilaarmstrong

I realised the other day that there were some things I wasn’t prepared for with the chemo journey with mum. Leading up to it, I thought I had mentally, spiritually and emotionally prepared myself for what we would face during this season. At no point did I allow myself to believe that she wouldn’t be healed from cancer because I believed that God would have His hand on it, and He did. I told myself that it would be difficult watching her go through the chemo and dealing with the side affects, which it has been. I also told myself … Continue reading Would you like some guilt with that?

mum's cancer journey, Random thoughtsLeave a comment

Stop and stare.

leilaarmstrong

So I shaved all my hair off yesterday as a way to support mum with her hair loss and the reaction I’ve had online has been amazing! So much encouragement and love from all my online friends. However I had a different reaction today when I took my shaved head for a test drive to my local Westfield shopping centre in Liverpool. The reaction from people was fascinating. I’m pretty observant of what’s happening around me: I’m curious by nature and love watching human behaviour, so I was able to pick up on the difference in attitude today that I … Continue reading Stop and stare.

mum's cancer journeyLeave a comment

Normal.

leilaarmstrong

This week is our treatment free week -woo! Mum doesn’t need to do anything this week: no blood tests, no chemo, no nausea injections. She can just chill out and be. Which is great because her first treatment has knocked her about some. She’s more tired than usual (that’s normal with chemo) and she is feeling nauseous (also normal with chemo but they’ve given her meds for it). But she’s a strong one and is coping well, shaved head and all. The hardest thing has been keeping up all the little things, like staying out of the sun and regularly … Continue reading Normal.

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The great shave.

leilaarmstrong

Yesterday at mums first chemo session, the nurse told her that she would definitely lose all her hair. While some people keep all their hair during chemo, this particular chemo definitely takes it all. And that was hard for mum to accept yesterday. Yes, it’s only hair but it’s a part of her identity and it’s hers. I could see it in her eyes yesterday that she was struggling with it. My brother spoke to her last night about it and helped her decide to shave it off before it fell out, so this morning, mum asked me to shave … Continue reading The great shave.

mum's cancer journeyLeave a comment

It’s C Day.

leilaarmstrong

It’s C day. The first day of mums chemotherapy and as we walked through the ‘Cancer Treatment’ door my heart started pounding. Goodness me, but I never thought I would be walking my mum into hospital to have chemo. I keep reminding myself that she is cancer free, praise God,  and this is just a preventative, or an insurance policy, as the therapists keep calling it. The last week has been intense leading up to today with mum freaking out and being anxious,  which is understandable. As for me, I’ve on a couple of occasions this last week felt like … Continue reading It’s C Day.

Random thoughtsLeave a comment

Let’s talk about Robin.

leilaarmstrong

The recent death of Robin Williams broke my heart, along with that of millions of people around the world. I grew up watching his movies, quoting his lines and trying to imitate his Mork and Mindy accent. It’s so heartbreaking that someone that was able to make so many laugh was living in silent misery and agony on the inside. His death has highlighted depression, mental health, suicide, all things that we still struggle to deal with and understand. There is still much to learn about it and, most frustrating, still so much stigma around it. I hear comments like … Continue reading Let’s talk about Robin.